My Body

I know it is bad but all I want is to destroy, cut, and hurt. The worst part is that i only want to turn this evil on myself. Because I've always been taught that I deserve nothing better.

The word deserve holds a lot of meaning in my life. I deserve nothing better than what I've got, nor anything ever. A guy once told me that I deserve better, but better than what? He said better than him. That statement I truly cannot believe because I had never dreamed that I even deserved what I've already had.

I never know if I should tell people with the current facade about me, I mean what happened. i hate being pitied so I tend to just keep it to myself. But I am going to say it here and now and annouce it to whoever gives enought to read what I've written. I was raped at the age of 15. I blame it on me, mostly. I knew he was dangerous and scary and that I should stay away from him but that only made me want to hang out with him more. After it happened and I meditated on it I began to understand why me? Its because I was innocent and pretty. And I walked calmly into hands that would destroy me.